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A Brief History of Sexohol

Sexohol was first discovered in ancient Egypt, around 2500 BC. King Khufu spotted us at the annual Scarab's Ball and the rest, as they say, is history. Despite the primitive recording techniques, we chiseled out the party favorite "Pharaoh-Moans" and the monumental hit, "My Pyramid or Yours?"

When the Egyptian civilization collapsed (we had nothing to do with it, honest), Golden and I moved to Greece. After my brief service in the Trojan War (my bad--I thought it was about condoms), Golden got us involved in a rather ugly love triangle with Pythagoras. "Measure my hypotenuse," my ass.

Soon thereafter, we became the top Bacchanal band, thanks to our dance smash, "Everybody Have Faun Tonight." Socrates raved, "They're much better than a cup of hemlock!" and Pan himself called us "Satyr-rific!" Then, wouldn't you know it, Greek civilization collapsed (Again, not our fault. Really).

Moving West, we hooked up with a fiddle player named Nero and started working the Roman orgy circuit. We even scored some prime bar mitzvahs before he went all "emperor" on us. (FYI: NEVER let someone from the Imperial family join your band). Shortly thereafter, the Roman Empire fell (this is NOT a pattern).

Now in the 21st century, we're back to rock the world's greatest empire. This does NOT mean that Western civilization is doomed to collapse. We are not the harbinger of the end times. I'm SO sick of people saying that!

Anyway, we're just here to have a good time and help all the horny kids out there get a little tail. For those who can't get a little tail at one of our gigs, we have a few available in the SexShop.


--Roger Quickly